how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
