In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
