I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize