Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
