I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
