you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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