ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
