4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
