If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
