After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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