fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
