Non-Jews are for practice
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
