He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
