I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
