Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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