i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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