mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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