he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
