My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
