My brain says no but my pants say off.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
