I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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