I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
