I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
