I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
