Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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