Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
