I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize