she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
