Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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