i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
