either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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