I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
