dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
