Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
