to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
