The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
