did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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