someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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