the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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