guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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