I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
