Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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