Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
