Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
