thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
