So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
