He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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