At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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