He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
