If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
