ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
