OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
