What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
