I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
