so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
