Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
