You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
