I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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