Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
