We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
