It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
