Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
