I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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