Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
