I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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