She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
