just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
