Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
