She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
