i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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