Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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