Small penises have feelings too.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
